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Eulogy Speeches, Examples-iconTom Hanks Funny Eulogy for Michael Clarke Duncan

Tom Hanks shares a funny story at Michael Clarke Duncan's memorial service.

I pray this story is true, that he himself told me. Michael grew up in a part of Chicago that we three stooges are not really familiar with. There’s gangs in the neighborhood when he was growing up. And one of the gangs illuminated themselves their trademark was they had a little patch of red dyed into their afro, their hair.

Big Mike said, he told me, “I kind of like these guys, these guys were cool.” Big Mike decided to join this gang. And I said “How do you decide to join a gang?” He said “You walk up to them and say I’d like to be in your gang.” And then they beat the crap out of you for 20 minutes. And that’s how you get in the gang. So after being beat and having the crap kicked out of him for 20 minutes, Michael was a member of this gang and they took some red dye or whatever it is and gave him a little patch in his head and he goes home.

He said: “And my mama was in the kitchen, and she was cooking something at the stove and I sat down – I sat down in the chair, I kind of like cocked my head, so that she could see my new little red patch.” Now I just saw his mama and she is about as tall as this podium, I’m guessing she is as tall as the stove itself was. So this is how it went: “what’s that in your head, Mike?” “Oh! Yes, that’s my trademark ma, I am in a gang.” “Oh, really, you’re in a gang now.” That’s when I’m going to go aha.

She came down with this frying pan across his head and I’m guessing porkchop went flying all over the place. And he is on the other side of the kitchen now, crying, “oh oh mama” And mother says – as she is porking the pork, sticking the fork in the porkchop, putting it back in the pan. She said “you go get – you borrow some scissors from your sister, you cut that thing out of your hair.” She goes back. “Oh! I love those.”

So Michael went, got the (indecipherable) went to the mirror, “Oh, mummy,” cut it off. So now he has beautiful afro, naturally got this big dent in it, right where the big crater in it, where it used to be this red thing. And he goes back “Okay, mama, I cut it out my hair.” “Now you go tell your friends, you ain’t in that gang.”

I said, “So what did you do?” I went to the corner where the gang was, and I found them and I said, “My mama says I can’t be in your gang.” (laughing) I said “What do they do?” He said:

“They beat the crap out of me the second time.”


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Tom Hanks Funny Eulogy for Michael Clarke Duncan

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